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Nastiness In A Bottle

Posted by on September 9, 2012

Part way through this two-day “We Never” I got this message from Erin: “God Help Us.”  I had to laugh and sent back this message: “We can fly a plane, jet pack, trapeze…but we need divine intervention to juice-fast for 2 days.”  It was so true though – 48 hours of nothing but 12 bottles of nastiness was harder than it initially sounded.

I am exaggerating a bit about the nastiness of all 12.  One of them tasted like heaven in a bottle – a mix of pineapple, apple and mint.  It was almost mean though (and probably the reason it tasted so great) as that one was both preceded and followed by what I’ve decided to label the Green Monster – a drink that almost became larger than life for its utter awfulness.

Here’s how it went: Bottles were delivered the night before – 6 bottles each day for 2 days.  I wasn’t one bit worried.  I do like to eat but almost because I like to eat, I figure I can stomach anything.  Each day, you were expected to drink, in this order, the Green Monster, pineapple (the heavenly stuff), Green Monster, spicy lemonade, beet (blah), and then cashew milk (interesting but definitely drinkable).  I mean really, how bad could a 16 ounce bottle of green stuff be?

Here’s just how bad.  I took the first sip and was totally and completely disgusted.  I then held my nose to get it down.  No luck.  Getting rid of my sense of smell didn’t do away with the putrid taste that kicked in at the end.  Yes, this drink actually had levels of bad.  Like a bad bottle of wine but 4 million times worse.  What else could I do?  I poured the Green Monster into a pretty glass to trick myself that the green goop would actually taste like something I’d want to drink out of a pretty glass.  Apparently my taste buds and I are not so easily fooled.  When finally I physically gagged, I could take no more.  The remaining Green Monsters were given away (to a friend who actually drinks spinach juice for breakfast but couldn’t manage the Green Monster either).

So, in summary, I failed miserably.  On Day 1, I drank portions of the Green Monster, a sip of beet juice and all of the other three.  By day 2, I could only get down the 3 sweet bottles.  I lost a couple of pounds (that I immediately put back on) and didn’t feel one bit “cleansed.”  Plus, my husband will claim that I became as nasty as the Green Monster, a monster I can assure you I will never face again.

77 Responses to Nastiness In A Bottle

  1. Kelly

    OMG, this post & Erin’s literally made me LAUGH OUT LOUD! Thanks for the entertainment! :-)